After I took my final, I knew it was over. There is no way, I said, that I can pass. I did not ace the final as I needed to. God only knows what the future holds, but I can trust him. I was glad to sing Song of Hope at church; that was where I was.
------God had brought to mind over the fall the idea of leading a small group. I knew that time was not right then, but I felt that it was soon. So when I began to ask what is next if it isn't school, this came back to mind. I thought with all the time on my hands from not being in school I will have time to really prepare and do a good job. So I mentioned it. There was interest shown, and I was glad to think it might be a possibility and that God could use me. I had noticed a lot of growth in myself over the semester, and was excited about the idea of serving.
So I found out Christmas Eve that I was given the grade I needed for my course. (merry christmas!) I was in shock; it was literally grace that got me by and I was not expecting it. I had become at peace with not being in school, and now had to get excited about school all over again. I decided that I would only take one course and I could still lead a small group. I had lost the urgency I previously felt over finishing in a certain time period.
I re-mentioned my interest and learned that there was a small group leaders meeting the next day. What great timing - I guess I should have learned from the past that just because I make a deadline does not mean God is going to give me that. I wasn't able to find a co-leader and am not leading a group this season. When I left the meeting I did not know this. I went from, what I am going to do in the spring: go to school? I will to have wait and find out. ...to... Am I going to lead a small group in the spring? I will have to wait and find out.
God's will; that continues to be my prayer as I remind myself it is what is best.